Existential Angst

I sit in the night,
breathe in the night,
watch the stars and brood silently
"What is my purpose ?"
It is true that I have been born,
that I exist, But why was I made?
Life is truth, death is truth,
I am truth, You are truth.
The silence of reality suffocates me.
Questions that reach up to my soul,
especially since it has no answer,
is hurting and causes bleeding.
The silence is my saviour,
Silence of sound, and of thoughts even,
I survive by not confronting the questions,
by answering with silence in thought.
My soul mate!
What I wanted was another human being,
That sits next to me,
And joins me in my silent brooding of the stars,
Not one who keeps nagging and bickering,
Never one who shouts at me for being me.
I dunno the meaning of life.
But I have my own rules for living that life.
Rule one is "never do anything for others to see".
My life is not a reality show.
Rule two is "to serve no master".
Be it money or power or lust or other humans.
The mundane job is slavery
And for me slavery is death!
Fitting into expectations
Is like a leg fitting into a shoe.
My life is not a leg to meet your norms.
Society is judgmental, about all it couldn't achieve.
You hate in me, all that you couldn't be!
Yet it is my mundane job,
and my bickering wife,
and meeting societal expectations,
That saves me from the existential angst.
You are my salvation!

Remembrance Of A Summer

They tried to steal it out of ma heart
Like precious eggs from a li'l bird's nest.
She told me without words, about all the complications
That prevent us from getting together.
Even yesternight I dreamed of that pretty goddess
She came to me and stayed with me.
The hours that we spent together,
Shone like the stars that never burn out.
You beat me up
Torture me and threaten me.
But Love is that something
Which cannot be stolen away.
It sticks on, like a sticky chewing gum.
Girls will come and girls will go
Everyone reminding me of you
And your passionate feminine love.
None of the girls I met
Could replace your 'idol' from within my heart.
Today, on this lonely valentines day,
I celebrate alone but for your memories
And the Love within me, which none can take,
Elevating me from this boring world
Into the divine heavens of invincibility,
It keeps me sedated, impervious to the woes
Of this mortal world which mocks and jocks
And laughs without mirth, shouts without meaning.
And when all is done, at last slumber comes
The sun has set, the lights are out,
I'll dive into the depths of sleep,
Hidden beneath the sheets of dreams
Warm love alive and aflame inside ma heart.

A Cold Summer

Last summer was as cold as hell
'Cause sorrow made me so unwell
Don't ask me why I had no fun
Though the boring school was done.

The birds were chirping in the air
A breeze was playing with my hair
Trees were green and grass was wet
The 'wickets' and the 'pitch' were set.

The pretty girl who smiled at me,
Her dimple cheek I yearn to see
All through summer, I thought of her,
and her pretty angel-stare.

She filled up all my sleepy realms
As pink and pretty popcorn dreams
They always say its beautiful
But why should love be so painful?

Her eyes were blue like still waters
I'd jump in them and drown myself
Is her smile the source of cold
That grips and chews up all my soul?

The thousand days she ignored me
Had kept me hoping, dreaming on
The last day ere the summer hols
She smiled at me and I fell dead!

Exhaustion

The day was heavy like an ocean tormented by a raging storm...the sleepless days..not juz one or two but almost upto a month...exams postponed and again studying the same subjects with only little breaks in between..and atlast wen the d day came the exams were tough...not for me, but for my frends. for me i knew most answers but did not get time to do even the most thoroughly studied 12 mark questions...the holidays spoiled like a missplaced jackpot ticket...me exhausted and too weak to protest or respond to the first or second persons within me...i'm wasted and spoiled...like poison thrown into the only oasis in a desert...only fools work hard and less than fools are the ones who dare to dream...

and all the beautiful pink popcorn dreams i had about you in the study leave...they popped like a bulging bubble...when today you pretended as if i dont exist in the world...

well i dont believe in love...not because i dont want it to be true...but simply because it is too good to be true.

The Time Machine

I was walking down the street when I saw an old lamp. I took that lamp and rubbed it to remove dust.Suddenly a genie came out.
That was Aladdin's genie. The genie said that he could grant me anything I wish for. I wished to have a time machine.The previous day, my uncle had scolded me severely and vengeance was seething inside my heart. So I decided to test my time machine on my uncle.
I pressed the calling bell and my uncle came out.I shouted at him all the abusive names i knew. My uncle was shivering when he dialled the number to my home inorder to complain about me. For a fraction of a second, all the consequences of my misdeed swam around in my imagination. But with a smile I turned the dial of my time machine backwards.
Again I was pressing the calling bell in my new past. When my uncle came out, I wished him good morning and he invited me to breakfast.The next day I went to college.In my class I saw a cute girl, sitting alone. I went and started chatting with her. I felt so confident about life because of my time machine. Well, what wouldn't we do if we have a time machine!
Suddenly I gave her a kiss. Taken offguard, she started to cry.
Desperately I searched in my bag for my time machine. Alas! I had lost it.
And that's how she became my Best Friend.

My Stolen Hours

Sun was setting
The sky sprinkled with clouds
Of different shapes, forms and sizes
Throwing hidden meanings and symbols
Which I could never decipher.
Once I used to throw stones at the sky
While the setting sun slid down the horizon
Me wishing the world to spin fast
So the insignificant night be over
And I can go back to school.
Oh! How I wish I could return now!
And sit on my bench, second from the last
Discovering new horizons with my friends,
Throwing risky glance at the girls.
There were quiet some electrifying moments
Elected as classleader unexpectedly,
Talking to a pretty girl for the first time...
Each person was a new world,
Filled with mysteries and lots of adventures
And true friends, the greatest gift of life.
Me drowning in a lecture class,
Unfocussed in front of an open text,
Dreaming of that teenage dramaqueen.
And then there were silent deserted corridors,
The stolen hours spent alone with my dreamgirl!
Sweet pain of bamboo spanking,
Cool bruises from the football playground,
Standing in the front,with coloured clothes,
All of them singing with smiles and dimples
"Happy birthday to you, May God bless you"
My school was there always for me.
But how sad! I'd outgrown Her.
My school days were stolen from me
Much before I was ready or willing.
What wouldn't I give, to get those moments back!
But they are gone, forever and ever.
I am still a school boy,
But without my school.